Mickie Calkins's blog

What technology gadgets are on your wish list?

I own a lot of gadgets. My recent purchase was a 12 megapixal camera --- with an embedded projector. I didn't know how much I'd use the projector, but I find it is a fun way to start conversations. On a recent visit with my 99-year old grandmother, we were able to share images from the previous day we spent at the Denver Zoo. We used her wall to project on and my 9-year old walked us through all of the photos. Regardless of what gadget it is, its got to be easy, functional and FUN!

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QotD: A Question for the Ages

What is the ideal age? I'm 49 and I don't think I've hit it yet. I have enjoyed every age pretty much. With my daughter, every year I think "oh, she is so cute now. What a PERFECT age." I think this about her every year.

With myself, I think I had great times in age pockets - 20-23, 25-31, 35-39, 45-now. Hmmm. I just realized that I seem to be in a 5 year cycle or 3 years up and 2 years down. Guess you can't enjoy one age unless you see the downside of it too.

I works so much sometimes I think ahead that the perfect age will be 65 or 70 -- when I retire. Hopefully, by then I will be smart enough to realize that every day is a gift.

QotD: Dream View

If you could have any view from your "back porch," what would it be? Well, now. I'm close to having what I want. I have a very high deck --- so you cannot see me if I'm laying in a deck chair - -- as you walk by.  if I stand on my tippy toes, I can see the ocean. I can DEFINATELY hear the waves - which is a must. The only think I would add would be would be one of those cool brass fire hearths --- but I'm too afraid we'd torch our 121-year old victorian house!

My front porch is the old fashioned kind -- with the rocker and the white railing and the gingerbread trim.  It overlooks the my orange tree, my roses and our street corner -- and I enjoy sitting out there, rocking, and watching people turn the corner. Sometimes I check out my neighbor's garden -- she has fabulous flowers  and cacti :-)  I enjoy watching people sniff my huge American red roses as they walk by my fence. Every once in a while, someone will snip one of  my roses while I"m sitting there -- they can't see me. Wouldn't they be mortifified if they knew I was there?

I would have been a serving wench

I went to a FABULOUS progressive dinner last night. Two families from my daughter's grade hosted the roving dinner party as their auction donation to the school. There were close to 50 attendees. A big party. The h'ors d'oevers were simply outstanding, the mexican buffet --- lovely. And desserts perfect. I attended solo --- my hubby scoring big points by spending the weekend with my 98-year-old grandma in Denver to fit her w/hearing aids.

The company and conversation was great....the ex-wife of my friend even managed to stay in the background (a first!). Still,  I know I would have felt more comfortable on the serving side of the event.  As a guest, I'm not a natural. But put me behind a pot of anything, and I'm much more comfortable. Automatically I relax and can think of something to talk about, something to stir while contemplating answers. Although I can generate chit chat --- I cannot sustain meaningless chatter for too long. I long to grab a plate, clean something, or DO SOMETHING rather than wander around trying to be witty, awake and perfectly balanced on my heels!

Seriously, their homes were so LOVELY. Perfect spaces with decor that matches with precision  -- form and function. Nothing worn down or even slightly used looking. Yards and yards of Annie Glass --- stretched across kitchen islands of immense proportion! For me, I was in wonderment over the sheer beauty of it all. Wall-sized photo paintings of happy families and children. Huge comfortable spaces and furniture. I felt like I was the country mouse, visiting palaces for the first time. I had this feeling a few times in high-school and college going off to friends' families homes. So fine, I could not even aspire to such levels of Martha Stewartdom. I kept thinking to myself, even if I had a boat-load of help, my house would never be so spottlessly CLEAN! My walls will never be so DECORATED!!!  And how do they do that with candles?  I simply never ever think of that. Oh well. Martha, I am not. 

For now, I think I have to learn to be happy with my special brand of house-cleaning and decoration ---  my philosphy is ELIMINATE! I have not yet graduated to RE-BUILD or RE-MODEL!! Maybe one day granite counter tops, perfect pictures and wonderful decor will be mine, but for now, I get deep satisfaction just running to the dump and getting rid of all the crap we seem to accumulate. My idea of dinner party is a BBQ and well-done beverages by my bartender-wanna-be hubby.

Day 2 - BLTs and Ziggy Marley

I missed blogging yesterday -- just too busy. Still it didn't stop me from thinking about what I'm grateful for. Yesterday I was grateful for:

 

• BLTs
• Ziggy Marley -- specifcally the Family Time Album
• Water --- I've been slamming H2O for 2 days -- what a difference it makes for my skin!
• the fact that I did not dry out the chicken that I roasted for guests on Monday
• my fabulous book club -- what a great bunch of women!

 

Today I found myself being grateful that:

• my husband fell asleep early so I could log in and blog and tie off loose ends from the day
• I did not have to do the wrap-up facilitation session for a meeting I attended
• My intern is astounding
• My team is still enthusiastic despite winding down our project
• My kitchen was not trashed when I got home :-)
• My daughter was bathed with homework done, piano practiced and fed when I got home!
• Teddy Kennedy & Title IX.

 

Small Things to be Grateful for.....

Today I am back to work officially --- though I spent much of my weekend time rearranging my home office for more work productivity and thinking feng-shui.  Clutter makes me crazy so I spend a good amount of time chucking paper (mostly) and trying to stem the flow of paper and "little stuff" into my house. I frequently congratulate myself on being relatively on top of this mess and I look forward to the day that I have managed to get all the "crap" out of the house. (my never ending project).

Taking a coffee break this morning, I realize that sometimes I'm overtly negative on my blog. I'm not like this always. I do have much to be thankful for and how much I think about it from day to day does change.

Of course I'm grateful for a wonderful family, a nice place to live and, these days, A JOB. And I count myself lucky to have a few friends who will listen to me whine and have some great neighbors I actually truly enjoy socializing with. I can even stand their kids! So aside from the usual things I'm grateful for, I thought I would try a little exercise to see how many days I could list the things that I'm grateful for on this particular day.  Today, for example:

• Being the first day back from vacation, I'm grateful to be working at HOME. I'm still sitting in my PJs and catching up.  I was happy to miss the commute.
• I'm happy that my daughter got herself up early to finish the Spanish homework she forgot to do earlier in the weekend. She was upset last night that she forgot to do it, but she got herself up this morning to handle it, without prompting from me. Pretty good for only 8, I say.
• I'm ecstatic that my husband is entertaining 3 job offers! He is going for a drug test today and I hope he will pick the opp that keeps him from commuting over the hill. Despite less pay, the ease and stability that this job will bring to our family and to my husband's frame of mind is being anticipated with great happiness
• I'm grateful for Borax. It is a natural cleaner at this moment that is working on my kitchen tiles and bathroom.
• I'm grateful the Santa Cruz fires have been 100% contained
• I'm grateful to be done with the vacation eating habits. My body is craving water, vegetables and a "fresh start". (I'm mulling....do I go so far as to give up my evening wine?). We'll see what happens around 6 p.m. tonight!
  
• I'm happy my daughter is so well-adjusted, not brat-like and functional. We went on a vacation recently where a peer of hers needed "rewards" to be good. My daughter gets it that being lovable means being loved and being loved does not mean getting a material thing to show it every step of the way.  It means treating each other with decency. I hope this sticks with her during the materially focused tween times which are a mere 4 years away...
  
• Despite that fact the workload from the boss frequently almost kills me, I'm grateful that my boss assigns tasks and walks away (for the most part). I do better with this kind of boss than I'd like to admit. I know some people think I'm crazy, but for me it works.
  
• I'm grateful that my husband spent part of the weekend waging war on our crabgrass. It is hard and back breaking work and I hate it. I'm glad he did it and its gone.....despite the pock-marks in our grass.
  

Life Imitating Art (Well, at Least Media)

I thought of this blog post a long while ago. Have you ever noticed how things you are reading and things you are seeing on TV sometimes are really relevant to the things you are living or lived?

A short while ago I was watching Law and Order. I sort of keep it on when I'm alone, cooking in the kitchen. Sort of a little personal treat because its still inappropriate for my daughter and my husband finds it seriously boring. I happened to actually be listening at a certain moment when the two detectives were discussing the motives of a teacher who'd started up an affair with a young student. The female detective said something along the lines of, "I'm guessing she experienced some major trauma in another part of her life --- a lost relationship, job,  or tragedy -- that lead her to a point where she could use the relationship with the boy to fill the gap." Turns out the character was going thru some sort of nasty divorce. Again I found myself wondering about that person I moved to California to be with --- was I just a gap filler for the "trauma" he was experiencing in his life at the time (his marriage was falling apart). For the life of me, nearly 18 years after that relationship ended I still have a lot of WHYs that are unanswered. Why did he pick me? Why did I fall for that situation? What feelings of mine were real? Which of his feelings and expressed sentiments were real? What made conditions conducive that I would enable myself to be so defenseless, vulnerable, stupid -- or to make such obviously bad choices? I'm long over all the implications of this, but why do I find myself ruminating when I hear stuff like this on TV? Does this mean I never truly let go or is it simply merely mental belly-button contemplation? Meaningless, but fun nonetheless.

Flash forward. Just yesterday I was reading a Jodi Piccolt book, "A Change of Heart." I love Jodi's style of writing --- her different perspectives on people and circumstances viewed from a multitude of angles. One of the main characters is someone who appears to be a Jesus-sort of person. Its a great book, so I won't ruin it with providing too much context here, but he's in this discussion where he's acknowledging that generally most people don't know what makes other people tick any more than they understand what exactly would motivate themselves to do something completely irrational until it actually happens. He goes on to say, "It's OK not to know something. That's what makes us human."

Circle this all back to my recent thoughts of just letting go of all the old and negative stuff.  I think that I've reached the age where its OK to let go. Reflecting on it, I think this desire to get rid of the clutter of my life is what is motivating me to clear out the closets (constant trips to good will lately), clean out my bookshelf (you saw how THAT resulted in my last post) and just generally sort of clean out mentally and physically. I have even been successful losing a few pounds -- literally letting go of the dead weight of my life that has been keeping me from living how I'd like to.

I used to think it was important to close off -- to be complete in my understanding of anything major in my life. To understand exactly WHY I do this or that. That little pinprick of a relationship in my past was always such a burr in my saddle. Always irritating that I had no rationale for my irrational behavior and the life-long examination I've done on the subject. Y'know, some things are better left a mystery, I'm finding. Understanding "the truth" won't make a rats ass of difference 20 years from now either way, so why waste more time?

Even funnier, just when I fully and completely decide to just let it go, here comes Ugly Man, challenging me (see last post) with the whole thing again. What if people in your present won't let YOUR past go? What if they keep bringing it up --- refusing to let it die a natural death? Refusing to let me go on. Do I let go of them too --- just to be  free to get away from the bad decisions of my past? I'm ready for my today and my tomorrow. I'm weary of mulling over times past --- where has it gotten me after all?
 
The Art of Letting Go is something that they should teach everyone who has reached the age of 45 and up. It could lead to huge transformations and a lot less emotional garbage in the mix. I'm sure with all the hang-up reductions, there would be a lot more sex and a lot less fighting happening in that age segment. Ah, but I digress. I must be off to work now.

Bliss is only temporary

I should have known that the positive effects of the cool camping trip were fleeting. Did you know that having a book on Nude Beaches published and given to me in 1983 qualifies me as "having a secret life?" Even stranger, did you know that the possession of such book, and its location in the trash contributes to making me "A LIAR!!!"  That merely owning this book and allowing its presence in the house for the past 9 years (forgotten and gathering dust on some old bookshelf) is  a COMPLETE TRANSGRESSION and MISREPRESENTATION of myself before I got married? That a refusal to apologize for a gift some insignificant boyfriend gave me 26 years ago is a demonstration of my offensive independence and merits a 2-hour attack on my character while trapped in a car driven by my accuser  -- all  while I repeatedly ask to go home? So much for going out to see a funny movie, having dinner and going dancing -- another fleeting fantasy that things might be getting better. The ugly insane person is back, proactively sabatoging his own and everyone's happiness around him.  It was only a matter of time (8 mos to be exact) between "episodes". . But who's counting? I am just so happy my daughter did not witness this one. After this episode, my accuser said he insists on the absolute truth from me. I'm guessing he will have problems digesting what I really think and what I really feel - but I will remain true to my word no matter how ugly it gets. It may not matter as he avidly tells me what I think and feel anyway, and we all know his thoughts about me overrule my own thoughts in his world. "A little angry?" you ask? More than I've ever been. I think I'm up close and personal in my understanding of the word "seething."

Zen and the Art of Camping

OK, so I have to say, some of my predictions were true. I still ended up with a huge  mound of campfire-smelling laundry on my kitchen floor after the trip and I'm still recovering and trying to complete the work tasks and housework that I would have done on my weekend had I not been camping, but I have to stand corrected.  I think the camping trip did me good.

First -- -the long solo drive to Kirk Creek Campground. Going down separately was the break I needed to clear my head. I didn't listen to the radio. I just drove the Mini -- listening to its baby sports car engine was sort of mesmerizing. I talked to my gal-pal some of the way there -- mindless stuff really -- meal planning for the next camping trip in a few weeks (we decided to do "theme" nights: Mexican, Italian and Greek). I contemplated life. I let the white noise filter in. I looked at the foggy scenery of Monterey Bay, Carmel and Big Sur. I stopped and bought gas. I stopped again and got wine (for camping --- not while driving!)

Arriving at the campground, I found my husband and daughter relaxing. It was cocktail hour so we poured the first bottle of wine and had our cracker and cheese h'ors d'oeuvre. My daughter entertained us by chasing squirrels and telling jokes. For dinner, my husband grilled the Teriyaki steak skewers I had pre-made for the trip last week end. He grilled table side on a portable grill that I'd forgotten we bought (SCORE). The skewers were great. We had sliced fresh pineapple and black beans on the side. Everyone was happy with dinner, but the best part was breaking out the little mini personal banana cream pies I had made earlier in the day and brought with me. Sticking one candle each of 3 of the mini pies, my daughter and I serenaded my husband his "happy birthday". I think he was surprised --- and my daughter was thrilled with these little treats. Guitar Lessons for 6 months with the teacher of choice was the "big present," so I think he may have been pleased. Always hard to tell, but I know he's been wanting this for a long while.  We went for a little walk down at the beach, checking out tide pools, avoiding poison oak and breathing in the scent of the wild anise that grows aplenty here. We returned to camp and then opened the second bottle of wine and made a fire.

The next day, we got up, made breakfast at the crack of 10:30. My daughter indulged in another banana cream pie for breakfast and my husband and I chowed down on the traditional bacon, camp-style eggs & cheese and fried potatoes (weight watcher nightmare!).

Then, we decided to go exploring. We took a drive on Nemicito road and ended up at the San Antonio Mission. Beautiful. Serene. I wish now I had gone into the museum portion -- but I did my damage in the gift shop buying some trinkets and an ornament  depicting the Santa Cruz Mission, which is the mission attached to my daughter's school.

We lit a candle for Grammy in the Church portion under incredible Spanish-looking art.

It was blazingly hot --- all the fog and coolness still on the coast. Going there and back , we had to go through Hunter-Liggot  Army Base (interesting in and of itself). My husband did not have his renewed drivers license yet -- being his b-day it was one day expired, so the Army Guard insisted I drive while on base. I don't think the hubby liked this much, but it worked.

On the way back, we pulled of to the side of the road after leaving the Base and had lunch by a little creek. We did some "creek wading"-- something we came to enjoy in Hawaii and now try to seek out often. My daughter loves it. We look for ponds that are deep enough to swim (ok for her to swim in). While wading, we managed to spot several trout -- Browns I'm pretty sure. They were WAY too big to be in such a small creek. Watching my daughters face as we watched the fish watch us was something unforgettable. The wonder of seeing something for the first time. The swish and fastness of the fish. Their ability to camaflaouge. Amazing really. My daughter progressed into her day --- trying to capture water skippers. She finally got one. My husband and daugher competed in dunking heads under the water. Me? I just kept my feet cool.

Back to camp. We had more wine and h'ors d'oeres (cocktail hour must be observed). We were so stuffed we ate a late dinner of the Jambalaya I'd made to bring on the trip. Note to self: Daughter hates rice and mixed dishes. Don't bring this one again; it definately wasn't worth the effort! An early fire and then card games in the trailer. We even turned on the heater inside the trailer (because we could). It was nice. We crashed about 11:30.

Sunday, I must say we did not rush back on a timetable. We ate another late breakfast, cleaned up and took a walk to the beach to see what we could find. Tide was coming in, so we spent more time dodging waves than seeing antying. We came back to camp, packed up and at the crack of 1:00 were on our way.  We had miraculously got the trailer on its hitchball on the first try --- my hubby and I kissing at this miracle --- a first!

I was looking forwad to an uneventful drive home, but shortly outside of camp, on the first big incline into Big  Sur, the trailer came off the hitchball. Luckily, my husband was able to drag the trailer to a halt and pull over to the side --- although there just literally was no shoulder to the patch of road we were on.  I was behind the trailer in the Mini. If the trailer had broken free, I would have been a goner.  I was able to stop safely and sort of pull over to create a "slow zone" while my husband worked on the hitch situation. After a while, a big guy in a Landscaping Company truck rolled up and asked if we needed help. I know my husband could have done it on his own, but this guy was big and strapping. I figured he could help my guy lift the hitch onto the ball if need be. He was friendly and with his son. I said "YES." We got moving pretty fast after that.

On the way home, we gave ourselves a break by stopping at the Big River Inn for a late lunch. I had the most incredible Crab and Avacado timbale, with a glass of white wine. I ordered thier bean soup on the side. Great lunch with live flute music on the deck. My hubby had an outstanding burger. Afterwards, we opted to walk out on the deck only to find that they have airindock chairs litrally sitting in the river behind the resort. People were just hanging out int the river, drinking wine and watching their kids play in the shallow water. We RAN down and plopped in the first chairs we saw. I loved it. I want to do this in my backyard. We stayed for a bit - yakking with a family from Salinas.  And finally got back on the road.

So yes, I am a slave to my laundry and my work. But once in a great while, a little good wine and some small adventures are worth it.

Curmudgeon no more.

   

Vox QotD: One More Thing...

What haven't you said that you wanted to today?  It's my husband's birthday today and I haven't yet said "Happy Birthday." He was in a rush to get out the door --- eager to get to the camping spot. In  the middle of this morning chaos, his body language said he wouldn't be open to it and I couldn't figure out how to say it without seeming awkward or inauthentic.

I'm making him some banana-cream mini pies that I'm taking to the camp spot. Maybe this will help bring a smile and a birthday feeling to his face. I know he's bummed that his boys are not camping with us and I'm suspecting that my daughter and I are not the exciting company he would prefer for this event (he likes his guys friends in camping situations), but we will make this best of it this year. 52.  Does any one have any ideas on what to do for the man who has every boy's toy you can think of? (within reason, of course!)